happy fucking new year. good riddance to the worst fucking year of my life. i’m not really one to believe that a new year brings good beginnings, cause you can change your life at any given moment, but this one felt a bit better. nothing worse could happen to this family, right?
happy fucking new year. i wake up on the second day of our fresh start to my sister crying, trying to tell me something. what in the world could have happened?
do the rest of the family know? how do we tell them? do we wait until they get to sydney? could we have changed something? we saw him just a week ago. when christmas was shitty enough without our favourite person. what about next christmas? oh man. this is going to suck.
how are the boys? are we going to see them?
what do we even say? holy shit. this is how people felt with us four months ago. there’s nothing to say. ‘i’m here for you?’ fuck i hate that bullshit saying.
happy fucking new year. the whole family’s together again. we stand in a group, tearstained faces and all.
‘lets not meet like this again.’
‘please, next time ensure it’s a wedding.’
no one can imagine the demons he was facing, every day, from an extremely young age. many would not even be able to think of the shit he was put through, from such a young age. some still don’t understand the concept of depression, and how hard the battle can be with yourself. he had someone to talk to, every day of his life, his baby sister. he had someone to help him through the darkest days. she was taken from us, far too young, the most incredible woman we could have ever been blessed with. he fought, hard, for four more months. but he lost with himself. if only if only if only. if only he had have talked to us at christmas time. if only i hadn’t have given him those photos for christmas. if only if only if only. if only i’d have known.
‘suicide is the coward’s way out.’ that is honestly one of the most disgusting phrases i’ve had friends [more than one] say. cue ridiculous arguments. cue silent treatment from ya gal. cue ok you are so wrong about this but u still ma frand [even tho u dumbass].
what we need is education. educate yoself b4 u wreck yoself. how incredibly hard it is to face these demons, and how incredibly hard it is to talk about these feelings, and how incredibly common it is to be feeling this way.
depression is still a terribly hard subject to talk about. but it’s what needs to be talked about the most, and there are so many ways to explain depression. JK Rowling writes about dementors in Harry Potter, as a symbolism of depression. i think that’s a pretty spot on depiction, but still will never really explain it for those fortunate enough not to experience such a shitty, shitty condition.
i don’t give a fuck if you feel like you shouldn’t be feeling like that. if ‘nothing that bad‘ has ever happened to you. cause if you feel it, you feel it. and it’s okay. just talk to someone, and get the help you need.
Lifeline Australia 13 11 14