single status blues

You’re alone.
And a little bit lonely.

It gets to a point where your perpetually single status irks you a little bit. Not for the fact that you need anyone, because you are a strong, independent woman (or man) who don’t need no man (or woman). But hey, let’s be honest – sometimes you just want someone there. 

I don’t need that block of chocolate with twenty cups of tea, but god do I want it, and to hell if I’m not going to have it all in one night (one sitting. Give me half an hour).

You know a large portion of the fact is due to your chronic laziness and next to no effort played on your part (especially when you actually have potentials – minimalism may be a craze at the moment, but try not to use it when it comes to minimal effort put into interactions with human beans).

You search for similarities in every person you’ve dated/flinged/swiped right to, (to see if it’s something you’re doing wrong…which, it probably is) and there’s always the obvious – you find [almost] all of them physically attractive. Some mentally attractive. Few emotionally attractive.

You realise you are ridiculously picky. (You don’t “realise”, you’ve actually always known it, but pretend for good measure that you’re a really good person who doesn’t judge books by their cover. Or people by their looks).

Friends are starting to couple up, and you’re not sure if you’re scared of your perpetually single status, or just losing your tequila-downing-sidekicks to a dude.

Snapchat’s top 3 friends is no longer needed, as you can tell who’s banging who by who is tagging whom in Facebook memes. And you’re tagging your sister. (Only because your dog doesn’t have Facebook).

You’ve stalked potential baes, stalked their exes, stalked their exes boyfriends sister, and subsequently questioned your whole existence afterwards. You’ve stalked ex-baes, stalked their exes, stalked their exes sisters boyfriend, and subsequently questioned your whole existence afterwards. 

You’ve stalked the same person, whether it be your ex-bae, potential-bae, potential-baes-really-good-looking-sister (who makes your question your sexuality), or ex-baes-best-friends-best-friend. You stalk them again, and again, even when they haven’t posted a new photo in twenty weeks.

Overthinking is the killer of all happiness.
Social media is overthinking’s best friend.

A little extra life advice from ya gal rackers – keep relationships as far from social media as possible. This is not to say that you can’t share a photo with a bae, or tag each other in memes, or heck, put each other in your instagram bios (didn’t know this was still a thing until recently. The more you know)… but actually be sure that they really are your bae.

And don’t settle for less than you deserve.

As some famous person probably once said, ‘you never really know yourself until you’ve learnt to be alone, and happy being so.’

Or something like that.

Buy a dog. If you can’t afford one/aren’t allowed one, buy a pillow. And download tinder.

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