rackers’ life tips: part 13

Ah, 13.
For so many people, considered unlucky. Hotels have floors 12 jump to 14, Friday the 13th hosts a horror/thriller fan’s dream of marathons (I much prefer the Disney versions), and many a street skip the number ’13’.

But, naturally, true rackers style, I fucking love the number 13. It’s one of ma favs. As a commemoration to myself, my team (me), the number 13, and the life tips everyone looks out for and I’m sure applies to their own life, I give you:

RACKERS’ LIFE TIPS: PART 13, a throwback/commemoration/collaboration of favourite life tips over the past year, w/ editor’s notes (me) (obviously)

1. invest in a vibrator. boys, you too. stick it up your ass. keep testing your limits.
Fuck this one makes me laugh every time I read it. Why am I so funny?

2. don’t wax your own fucking eyebrows. unless you want byebrows.
Byebrows. Comedic gold. Personal experience though, highly 10/10 not recommended.

3. WEAR that bold lipstick. and kiss so many boys that they end up wearing it too.
It upsets me that I haven’t taken this life tip as literally as I hope the rest of you have.

4. don’t shit on ur mates dreams
I’m not sure I’ve ever made a more important point than this one. you ain’t a m8 if you put shit on their plate.

5. “it won’t get easier, you will only get stronger.” – narelle johnston, 2k16.
Ah, an eventful night to say the least. May have downed about 20 tequila shots (3) and cried three gallons of tears (20). A lesson learnt to not fucking go out the night before Mothers Day.

6. always pee after sex haha lol UTI’s are not fun
Nah but srs.

7. dogs

8. two things that cure acute sadness: dogs and hot chocolate. (not sure about obtuse sadness, ie. depression. prolly go see a doctor).
Leading on with the last points theme; not only insightful, but incredibly well-informed.

9. pineapple. DOES NOT GO ON PIZZA.
I only handed this piece of wisdom to you, my lovely readers, a mere month ago. But I received some backlash (naturally), and also some incredible support. I will always stand by this statement.

10. i hope you meet the right people in 2017. but if you happen to meet the people who want to use you, i hope you know when to walk away.
I hope you meet the right people in 2017. But if you happen to meet the people who want to use you, I hope you know when to walk away. Sorry. I had to write it again so it would sink in because this is some true ass shit.

(T&C’s apply)

11. ‘I am the ocean, I am the sea. There is a world inside of me.’ Repeat this to yourself in the mirror. You will either, a) feel incredibly elated and be ready to take on the world, b) feel like an absolute idiot, or c) get caught by your roommate and laugh in shame/embarrassment as it only adds to their list on why you are the weirdest person ever.

12. Block his number and chill.

13. OKAY! I have saved the best for bloody last. You need to get ready for this piece of wisdom I am about to bestow upon you.
No joke, I read it and exclaimed OUT LOUD (to my empty room at 12:30am) “Oh, my God. That is GOLD!”

“Learn to spot irrelevant people. Don’t expect someone who doesn’t know who they are to care about who you are.”

Who’s That Girl? by Mhairi McFarlene


Thank you for tuning in to the latest episode of rackers’ life tips, Rackers and her team sincerely hope you enjoyed the bonus anecdotes and trip down memory lane that today had to offer.

Until next time fans, friends, foes and fuckwits,

Your gal. Rack daddy

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