rackers co

The year is 2018. People around you are getting married, having babies, starting businesses and you just ate pasta with margarine for dinner for the third night in a row. Life is confusing.

No but I’m serious, does anyone actually have their shit together? Like, really?

I’m scrolling through my Instagram feed, and three girls I was friends with in school are getting hitched. Like, committing. To one dude. For the rest of their lives.

Some are announcing engagements. Some are about ready to pop with babies. Some are launching really rad business plans, collaborations, graduating and starting some really fucking cool careers. Some are travelling to the places you’ve always wanted to go.

And I’m drinking coffee for breakfast because I only had enough money to either have coffee or food, and, logic, I chose coffee.

And why the fuck am I levelling myself with these people?

Because I know, from afar, there’d be people who look at me and go, fuck yeah, she really has her shit together. I mean, I did publish a poetry ebook last week (buy it here lol). People are legitimately buying my words and some of the reviews I’ve gotten so far have made me cry all the tears (happy tears, for a nice change). I’m part of the thought catalog community as a writer. I’ve got multiple projects on the go; personalised wedding readings, custom print-making, making this poetry collection into a book you can actually hold in your hand. Trace your hands over the words my lil heart conjured up. I’ve travelled to some of the places these people are and have my own cool travel photos (my hand hovering over the like button, almost not liking it in jealous spite, but giving in because it’s a cool photo and I’m not petty.)

I run my own small print-making business. Like, dude? How much do you want at 23?

But I don’t feel like I’ve made it. I don’t know if this is because I know I have so much further I want to go; I’m yet to publish a real life novel, I’m yet to get my writing further than Queanbeyan/Canberra/Sydney (the occasional readers from overseas, which is some radical shit). Or do you never actually have that I made it moment?

It just begs the question. Do any of us really, ever have our shit together? Or are we just assuming, pretending and allowing others to think things for you are just that little bit better.