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Rackers

rackers’ life tips: part 30

1. A good sense of humour is not based upon bagging other people out. That’s actually a sign of shit humour and shit personality.

2. It’s not cool to be an ambassador for a fast fashion chain/cheap shit clothing.

3. “I’s” is not a thing! “It’s my friend and I’s thing,” DOES NOT WORK. It is “it’s mine and my friends thing.”

4. Don’t be a coffee snob.

5. Watch the latest season of Queer Eye. You won’t regret it. I love them.

On this note, there seems to be a lot of articles floating around at the moment about how Bobby is the ‘unsung hero’ and essentially painting him as the only important one.
I love Bobby. But I also love ALL OF THEM. Because they wouldn’t be the Fab Five without ALL FIVE. You can have a personal favourite, sure. And sometimes it seems that Bobby gets forgotten because he doesn’t do the emotional side of things as much. But what I’ve been reading is that his work is more worthwhile because the others just ‘talk about emotions and shit’. The people they have on the show need to talk about emotions. That is why they are on the show.

Every single one of those men are important in each aspect. They excel in their own part as these people need help in each aspect.

6. If you’ve just started dating someone and you’re moving so fast, you’ve essentially planned your wedding after a week; pull the reigns in, buddy. Slow it the fuck down.

7. Don’t say “I wouldn’t/don’t normally do this” – it almost always means you have. People don’t care about whether you don’t. It’s about the fact that you are in that moment. OWN that and be confident in the decision you are making – whether that’s just asking someone out or going home with them straight up.

8. Self-care is not something you should just have on your to-do list; to maybe get to when you have more time. Looking after yourself is a priority and vital to your mental and physical health.

9. It’s not cool to not be “like other girls” – run hard and fast if a guy tells you he likes you for this reason, and dudes if you are using that reason; take a long, hard look at yourself. And punch yourself in the face. Picking at ‘typical girls’ is WEAKNESS, bro, and it’s only because you’re afraid of their strength & emotions. (Plus chickas if you’ve got a man like this then he ain’t shit, he’ll happily box all girls together but get butthurt if you argue his ‘not all men’ stance).

10. Artist’s time!!! And work!!! Is just as important!!! As any other field!!! THEY DESERVE TO BE PAID FOR THEIR TIME, regardless of whether you decide to use the work or not.

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Rackers

a letter to those in love

My dearest coupled-up friends,

I am here to simply ask you to stop trying to give advice to your single pals. I know you are trying your best to help a friend in need, but majority of the time, all they need is a soundboard and a shoulder to lean on; I hate to break it to you, but singletons do not generally seek advice from their relationship clad friends. Particularly UNSOLICITED “advice” that is merely you projecting. You would roll your eyes at me trying to give you relationship advice because, what would I know? But… why can’t I say the exact same thing right back to you?

There are typically two types of people in this world. Relationship prone, and single prone. I think it’s pretty clear which pile I land in, and I am completely and utterly content with that. It’s how I’ve learnt to navigate adulthood and most of my learning about love and life is done in partial-lovers arms.

What I find with those who are the most willing to throw their two cents in, is that they are the ones who have been in a relationship for the majority of their adult life. They actually don’t even know what it’s like to date. Dating is not just meeting someone and being in a relationship with them a few weeks later; it’s testing the waters, going for drinks with a few different people in a short amount of time, trying it out and being able to say ‘hey, this one’s actually not for me.’

There is no right and wrong way of doing life. There is no right and wrong way of doing relationships (as long as the way you are doing them are consented by both parties in the relationship).

It’s almost like people think that because their love story went one way, it is supposed to go that way for everyone else. You feel like you fell in love on your first date? Amazing, sometimes it takes people five dates before they really can see themselves with this person. You met your partner at 18? Good on you, some don’t meet theirs til their late 30s. You have grown as a person because of the person on your arm? That’s wonderful, others grow better when focusing entirely on themselves.

You telling me the reason behind why something didn’t work out or the red flags from your subjective opinion, or why I should continue even though I don’t want to, is not helpful in the slightest nor warranted in any way.

Anyway, take this with a grain of salt or don’t take it at all.

Just perhaps put a little bit of subjection into your next suggestion, and realise that no other situation is ever going to be like yours.

Regards,

Tired of your “advice” x

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Rackers

age ≠ wisdom

Just because you have lived on this earth for a certain amount of years more than another, really truly does not mean you know more, or you understand the situations one is going through.

Say you’re 50. You’ve been married once or something, I dunno, and your parents are still alive and you have had a relatively smooth life. Perhaps you have dealt with some really harrowing things, hey, I don’t know.

But just because you have 25 years on me, does not mean you can be like ‘ohhhh I know exactly what you’re going through.’

No. You don’t. Fuck off.

This isn’t to say that you haven’t had more experience; obviously, duh, you have 25 years on me. But each and every single fucking human on this planet has completely different experiences, completely different reactions to said experiences, and completely different in-built issues.

Wisdom is knowledge through experience. Not age.
Louder for the people in the back?
Wisdom is knowledge through experience. Not age.

I won’t take away from the fact that having a few more years life experience (especially if you’ve fit a lot into those few years), you may be able to shine some light on a situation better, or you can remember when you dealt with similar things at a similar age.

Yes, experience = wisdom, and typically age = experience, so naturally one would think age = wisdom. But this is not necessarily it. Just because someone experienced something, doesn’t mean they learnt from it. And just because you’ve lived a certain number of years more, doesn’t mean you have experienced what someone many years younger than you has. If you have lived a life where the majority of it has been the same; whether you had relationships with the same types of humans, whether you were in a similar career field most of your life, whether not much of your life has changed in many of those years (and there’s nothing wrong with this), then all of those years has not automatically given you wisdom. It’s just given you age.

As stated in this article in the Huffington PostUrsula M. Staudinger has spent decades thinking about, and studying wisdom. Wisdom, as she told The New York Times, consists of “self-insight; the ability to demonstrate personal growth; self-awareness in terms of your historical era and your family history; understanding that priorities and values, including your own, are not absolute; and an awareness of life’s ambiguities.”

Understanding that priorities and values, including you own, are not absolute. One thing I have noticed with my older counterparts is that they paint their experiences as absolute. Because they have experienced something one way, that is the way it is; that is life. End of. When in actual fact, there are millions of other ways life can be lived and experienced: just look at literally anyone else in the world.

If you are a white person, you cannot speak of the experiences of people of colour. If you are a heterosexual person, you cannot speak for anyone in the LGBTQI community. If you have always lived in a first world country, you cannot speak for the lives of those in poverty.

Yeah, okay. So you were 25 once and trying to navigate life in the dating scene while trying to establish yourself in a career and deal with ever-changing friendships and the like. This does not mean you know what I’m going through or know exactly what it’s like or completely get it. 

The simple fact is really just that you don’t. And if you are an older counterpart, check your language and your accidental condescension to the younger lot. You don’t simply know more because you’ve lived longer.

 

 

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Rackers

but do you know-know yourself?

You know when you know yourself, but you don’t, you know… know-know yourself?

No, you probably don’t, because it takes an awful lot of introspection to face the shittier/non-accepting parts of yourself; or even worse, actually face the idea that you can change them.

It’s only recently that I have come to realise that my bar for self-esteem when I was a teenager to my early twenties was relatively low. I kind of knew it, but I didn’t really know-know it. You know? I had friendships that I didn’t deem myself worthy of. Also attention from dudes I didn’t think I was good enough for. Actions leading to consequences because I didn’t think further than myself or the attention I was getting, and I was doing some serious limbo shit with that low bar of mine. I thought I was funny, but I was skeptical when other people told me they thought I was funny. I clung onto the insults more than the compliments. I thought it was my fault when people treated me like shit and just heaped that onto my back with my already overflowing baggage.

I hid it well, though. I really made people believe that I had an abundance of self-worth/esteem/confidence.

It’s like when you know you shouldn’t be answering that midnight call, but you do it anyway. You have a voice inside your head saying you’re a fucking idiot, but then you’re also like… what? Suddenly I am deaf, I cannot hear this voice of reason inside myself.

And people please, an outside voice just simply cannot be the voice of reason. You can preach to someone all you want that they are better than the way they have been acting, or they are worth more, or they should aim for more. But it’s going to continue to fall on deaf ears, because to know-know yourself, you need to face yourself. Stare in that dirty ass mirror and reeeeeally look deep into those eyes of yours. Sink deep into that introspection.

Because often what I have struggled with is people trying to be my voice of reason, but I have x-ray vision and could see they weren’t actually dealing with their own shit. They were trying to tell me how to live my life while I could see that they had their own problems they weren’t facing. It’s always easier to focus on other people’s issues than your own. It’s always easier to tell someone they need help and ignore the fact that you do, too.

I preach therapy as the penultimate for dealing with anything to those closest to me, often to the shake of a head or a laugh because it’s my go-to advice; but I watch these people around me who know themselves, but they still don’t know themselves. And what’s so wrong with seeing a professional to help you really get there? To peak Maslow’s hierarchy? To really get to that juicy, sweet self-actualisation stage.

It takes time to realise that the people who treated you like shit were at fault. It was not yours. Place that baggage gently down. Step on it a little if it makes you feel better. And walk the fuck away from it.

It takes time to realise that you were worthy of the attention and the friendships and that you really are just that bloody funny.

It takes time to realise that you need to focus on your own bullshit before you can help anyone else shovel theirs.

You got to get to the gritty. To the bottom of the cup. Scrape those barrels, man. You know that shitty last shot of coffee? You gotta swig it. Choke it down. You can’t ignore that bit. Because otherwise it will stain the mug that is you, permanently making your tea/coffee/vodka that little bit sour. And in life, you cannot simply buy a new mug. You just gotta keep fixing the one you got.

Sure, you know yourself. But do you know-know yourself?