a letter to those in love

My dearest coupled-up friends,

I am here to simply ask you to stop trying to give advice to your single pals. I know you are trying your best to help a friend in need, but majority of the time, all they need is a soundboard and a shoulder to lean on; I hate to break it to you, but singletons do not generally seek advice from their relationship clad friends. Particularly UNSOLICITED “advice” that is merely you projecting. You would roll your eyes at me trying to give you relationship advice because, what would I know? But… why can’t I say the exact same thing right back to you?

There are typically two types of people in this world. Relationship prone, and single prone. I think it’s pretty clear which pile I land in, and I am completely and utterly content with that. It’s how I’ve learnt to navigate adulthood and most of my learning about love and life is done in partial-lovers arms.

What I find with those who are the most willing to throw their two cents in, is that they are the ones who have been in a relationship for the majority of their adult life. They actually don’t even know what it’s like to date. Dating is not just meeting someone and being in a relationship with them a few weeks later; it’s testing the waters, going for drinks with a few different people in a short amount of time, trying it out and being able to say ‘hey, this one’s actually not for me.’

There is no right and wrong way of doing life. There is no right and wrong way of doing relationships (as long as the way you are doing them are consented by both parties in the relationship).

It’s almost like people think that because their love story went one way, it is supposed to go that way for everyone else. You feel like you fell in love on your first date? Amazing, sometimes it takes people five dates before they really can see themselves with this person. You met your partner at 18? Good on you, some don’t meet theirs til their late 30s. You have grown as a person because of the person on your arm? That’s wonderful, others grow better when focusing entirely on themselves.

You telling me the reason behind why something didn’t work out or the red flags from your subjective opinion, or why I should continue even though I don’t want to, is not helpful in the slightest nor warranted in any way.

Anyway, take this with a grain of salt or don’t take it at all.

Just perhaps put a little bit of subjection into your next suggestion, and realise that no other situation is ever going to be like yours.


Tired of your “advice” x

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