I don’t consider anything I have decided not to pursue, a failure. Maybe they are failures, in that the direct definition is: lack of success or the neglect or omission of expected or required action. I don’t typically use the word because it has a negative connotation, but the simple fact is that failing — whatever you want to call it — is cool. It means you tried. You gave it a go, and maybe you tried again, maybe you left it to the side for now, but you gave it a shot.

I started a podcast, and I made it through five episodes before I went: this is tiring and I don’t like spending my time doing it, lol. I needed someone to bounce off of but I wasn’t yet ready to commit to that. It wasn’t my sole focus and I wasn’t yet ready to sacrifice any other part of my business to make way for the commitment it needed. I would entertain the idea again if there is a time I have a bigger team within the Rackers Co family, but for now, it’s moot. The grief podcast, while I think was such an important idea and I would love to revisit it one day, was emotionally taxing. I literally could not handle listening to all of these sad stories all the time, which also made me realise I still hadn’t dealt with my issues when it came to my grief. I process it a lot better through my own writing, which is why I have continued to write about it, on the blog, through ebooks and poetry and in the novel I’m writing.

I have tested different products for the shop, learnt that they are not as popular as I thought they may be. Learnt that they are not as fun as I was hoping, that I don’t actually enjoy making them as much as I thought I would. I have bought so many pieces of equipment with an idea in my head that just never left the ground, sometimes because I was simply never bothered, sometimes because I discovered a little too late that it wasn’t for me. I have some pieces gathering dust because I haven’t yet tried to put them out, and I may choose to launch it into the world. I may also decide not to, and if I do choose that road, it doesn’t mean it’s a failure. It means it’s not for me.

Things change and life throws you many curveballs, so sometimes what you envisioned isn’t what gets to be; some people may view this as failures, but you, and only you, can define what it is that happens to you. Whether you want to call it a failure, but know that it’s cool to fail. Whether you want to do away with that word, call them obstacles, hurdles, what-have-you. Whether you simply have the human understanding that things don’t always go our way, that life is full of ups and downs, learning opportunities and mistakes. That a life worth living is one where you have fallen, tripped, side-stepped, and are still proud of the whirlwind.

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