rackers & co

Surprisingly, even someone like me can max out on Christmas content. I sat down and watched these over the course of a week. That’s right; 25 Christmas movies within the span of one week in early November. Now, I can’t rank these. I adored *most of* them in different ways, and shed many a tear over almost every one (though I’m not sure that says much, I cry in TV ads). In the week and a half since my Christmas binge, I have since turned to mysteries, war and thrillers… that is how much I maxed out.

Anyway, here goes the Not Very Definitive List of Christmas Movies to Watch on Netflix, 25 movies for the 25 days of Christmas!

Christmas Inheritance

I went into this preparing for a really shit plotline and to cringe my way through. Considering pretty much every Christmas movie has the same plotline, I wasn’t surprised by this one either; but I actually l o v e d this movie. It helps that I love Jake Lacy. A young, naturally ambitious (duh, it’s a Hallmark Movie) woman has to go to a small town to deliver a special Christmas card to her dad’s former business partner before she can inherit the family business. A snowstorm hits the town so she’s stuck there… and I can almost bet you can guess the rest. Still recommend though, for a classic feel good Christmas film.

A Dog Walker’s Christmas Tale

Ok, but not only dogs… Aaron Samuels from Mean Girls. Another white rich girl! She starts walking her neighbour/family friends’/fellow rich people’s dog for some extra cash money as she’s maxed out her probably really high credit card. She meets *Aaron Samuels* at the dog park, he wants to save it from developers because good guy, and… does she change her self-centred ways to help the dog people? If you’re not already sold on dogs and Jonathon Bennett (Aaron Samuels) – his acting is actually quite good and I had a few giggles.

Santa Girl

Santa’s daughter (yes, daughter) wants to experience college in the USA (because, obviously, the States are the centre of the world…/sarcasm) before she… dundundun… takes over the family business and marries Jack Frost Jr. Honestly, why am I going into these with pre-judgements? Also, why do I keep forgetting that I absolutely love all things Christmas, no matter how cringe? I really liked this. It was like, the ultimate Christmas vibe (naturally, it’s all about the Claus’), and the elf who joins Santa’s daughter is really cute and a fabulous character.

Let It Snow

Look, as you can probably imagine, I’m a sucker for a good Young Adult novel… thus John Green (I have also just finished binging Looking for Alaska). A make of one of his books, it was a heartwarming journey of navigating the step from teenagehood into adulthood and figuring out who you are, who you love and what is most important in life. 

Merry Kissmas

Another blondie… in a loveless relationship. She then kisses a stranger (??) under a mistletoe, coincidentally bumping into him the next day because he’s catering her fiance’s new ballet, duh. Who will she choose… the fiance she no longer loves, or the good looking stranger? More dogs! And another hunky dory lead actor! I remember watching this last year, and I thought I hadn’t liked it… and I either forgot it, was in a shit mood when I watched it last year, or became even more of a hopeless romantic within the past year. 

I’ll Be Home For Christmas

This is not the one of the same name from 1998. This one has James Brolin and Mena Suvari, and it was actually quite cute. Jackie hasn’t seen her dad in a few years since her mum passed away, and all of a sudden, he pops up around Christmas. Her cute kid takes an immediate liking to her Grandpa and convinces him to stick around for celebrations. Her dad throws everything up in the air when she’s so used to planning!!! Oh no!!! Shall we learn the importance of love and family again? (No, but really. I liked this a lot and would bring it around again for Christmas vibes).

Angels in the Snow

A couple who have been together for years are fighting. They seem to be falling out of love. Their kids are shitheads. They head out of town to their new (fucking huge) “cottage” out of town, and a snowstorm hits, leading another holidaying family to show up and ask for shelter. Plot twists. Appreciate life. I cried.

A Christmas Prince

Have we got another ambitious young woman??? Chasing her work dreams… having to choose between love and work?!?! A journalist is sent to a small European country (where coincidentally, they all speak English), called Aldovia (shockingly similar to Genovia?!), to get a scoop on the Prince who is set to be King. Ok so I put this one off for so long. Like, I don’t know what it was, but there was something about it that just told me I wouldn’t like it. I think Prince’s annoy me? Cause they’re all ‘Hey I hate this job but gosh I just have to do it because *obligations*’ and I’m like fuck get some agency outside of your family hey. BUT! Here I am learning not to judge a movie by it’s cover, because that was legit the whole storyline; like this guy had his own agency and needed to make the whole Becoming King situation for himself. Plot twists everywhere, I actually really enjoyed it. 

A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

They started this one…by literally casting a different person as the father, and made the classic “I feel like a brand new person” line, which gave me awful flashbacks of That 70’s Show trying to replace Topher Grace. A year after love found love found love, they are going to marry but!!! She’s wondering if she can really be Queen! Also, the money in Aldovia is shockingly scarce… is it an insider job? Will she be able to use her journalistic skills (because journalism is the same as detective work, duh), to discover what’s going on? What will happen?! I enjoyed this less than the first, but it was still sweet and had it’s feel-good moments.

The Spirit of Christmas

Christmas, ghosts, mystery AND love?! A lawyer is set to inspect an inn to sell, but the inn is haunted. Haunted by a ghost who is cursed (because being a ghost isn’t enough of a curse), where he turns into a human in the 12 days before Christmas. Does the (yet another white blonde) ambitious woman fall in love with the handsome ghost? How do you navigate that? Will they find out how he really died? SO MANY QUESTIONS, and they are all answered, in this wonderfully weird Christmas movie.

Once Upon a Holiday

A princess…yes, another one, from a weird not-real small country, is visiting New York during Christmas, and escapes! Because she wants to be normal! A lovely, tall man saves her from thieves and he takes her on a tour of ‘his’ New York. All these princesses want is a normal life, y’all. Why can’t you give it to them?! And why is it ALWAYS Christmas that they manage to throw a spanner in the works and fuck shit up. Like princess girl you know you have shit to do and people to please. Can’t you disappear in, like, July? Anyway, despite it being yet another predictable plotline, it was also enjoyable. Love and normality wins again, pals. 

Christmas with a View

A celebrity chef starts working at a ski resort (imagine Gordon Ramsay, except better looking and not like him at all), and a romance blossoms between him and the resort restaurant’s manager; who naturally has goals bigger than being a manager at a small inn. *Gasp!* Will he help her chase her dreams and find love along the way? This was feel-good, love all around, hurrah Christmas. Watch it.

The Holiday Calendar

A young woman. A photographer with big dreams. A not very supportive family, except her Grandpa, with whom she inherits an antique Advent calendar… But wait! It predicts her future! This is up there with one of my favourite Netflix Christmas movies, which proves my Not Very Definitive List, since I have it so far down. Full of magic, love and family… what more could ya want?

A Wish for Christmas

A shy, talented woman (another Mean Girls comeback – this one starring Gretchen Wieners!) who allows people to walk all over her at work, until a big asshole steals one of her campaign ideas. She meets ye olde Santa Claus, who she thinks is just a fake Santy but of course it’s real Santy, cause Santy’s always around when you need him. Anyway, she wishes to gain the courage to stand up for herself. Does she discover that she had that courage all along? The magic of Santa!

The Christmas Chronicles

Siblings who slightly hate each other are stuck together on Christmas Eve, as their mum has to work – so they make a scheme to catch Santa Claus in the act. The dingbats didn’t think that far ahead, cause then they mess up Santa’s ride, and they must help save the day with Santy and his elves! (The elves are super cute). This stars Kurt Russell as Santa, so he’s a lil bit sassy still with the Santa magic, and a cute little surprise in who is Mrs Claus at the end.

The Princess Switch

Vanessa Hudgens does a Lindsay Lohan, where she plays both the leading parts. A baker meets a duchess who looks JUST LIKE HER (shock!), and they decide to… switch places?! And then… they fall in love with the respective men in each others’ lives? A wild ride. Shockingly bad, it’s so good.

You Can’t Fight Christmas

A very serious businessman, who doesn’t really care about Christmas, is set to eventually inherit his grandfathers’ hotel. He meets the decorator for the hotel who has mad Christmas fever (her and I are soul sisters). They are very different people… but will very serious businessman find love for Christmas… and for her? A VERY good looking cast, a sweet premise, and yes… good enough for your Christmas film binge.

Miss Me This Christmas

Based at the Chesterton, just like You Can’t Fight Christmas. It’s all set at the same time!!! They have some of the same scenes! WIld! I thought I was having deja vu; so you can watch these in succession. A couple, who both love Christmas, got married on Christmas six years ago. But, their love has been lost, and they decide to divorce… the date their divorce is final? You guessed it, Christmas. It’s a bit of a silly competition between a couple who are breaking up and use other people to make each other jealous, but you know?? Occasional giggles, so maybe worth watching? I dunno. It’s okay. 

How Sarah Got Her Wings

Just like Heaven vibes. A woman dies (I didn’t really spoil anything, it happens within the first five minutes), can’t get let into heaven until she’s earned Angel status; she’s sent back to earth to see if she can set things right. Big plot twist at the end! This wasn’t my top pick, but also…still good enough for the Christmas binge.

Christmas Survival

Christmas time comes with a family who come together on their parents’ farm for celebrations. Scandal, affairs and family fights – a more realistic version of Christmas time with family. I’m not really sure what I thought of this movie. I zoned out more than three times, so I think that says enough. It was ya typical wild family ride, as they try to navigate Christmas day when they all struggle to get along.

48 Christmas Wishes

Two junior elves misplace a town’s letters to Santa and set out to retrieve the missing wishes. Why are all the parents dead in these Christmas movies??? This was actually quite cute though. Acting was not fab but they’re kids and I can’t act, so I’m not really in a place to judge. V family friendly and one if you actually wanted a movie full of Christmas magic. I cried so many snot tears at the end of the movie.

Holiday in the Wild

Rob Lowe and Kristin Davis. What a pair. Ok so this comes up under Christmas when you search it in Netflix… And it’s? Hardly?? A Christmas movie??? Kate goes to Africa after her husband ends their marriage, and she falls in love with Africa and helping wildlife… does she find human love too?! It was also one of those movies that has a buttload of potential as the premise is beautiful, but never quite reaches it. Casting is stellar, though. So if you just need a fix of Rob Lowe and Kristin Davis, this movie is it. 

The Angel of Christmas

A budding young writer. Ambitious, of course. She has her chance at writing an actual newspaper article! So she decides to write about a Christmas ornament, an Angel, that is a family heirloom. She meets an artist along the way… is the magic of the family Angel real?! A bit of history, a bit of mystery, a bit of Chris…tery; all the ingredients for a sweet film.

Pottersville

A local businessman runs around town at night in a gorilla costume, and townsfolk think they saw Big Foot. This brings much needed tourists to the town. Shocking and gross Australian accent – there’s a point to that in the end though. Odd characters and town. Very fitting for supporting small and supporting your community! They also sold it as a Christmas movie, but it was just set around Christmas and didn’t really have any cheer. It was WEIRD. It’s kind of cute and weird so maybe a movie for another time? But not for Christmas.

Christmas Wedding Planner

A budding wedding planner, planning her cousin’s wedding. Cue, private investigator rocks up, ready to find out the secrets of the groom. But, also! He’s the ex boyfriend of the bride! Will he fall in love with the wedding planner? Will he ruin the wedding? Is the groom hiding anything? Holy shit. This sucked. Like, sucked so bad I almost wouldn’t recommend it. But… maybe you need to experience it for yourself?

You can also find other Christmas classics like Miracle on 34th Street, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Elf, and Shrek the Halls!

 

 

 

A List of Christmas Holiday Episodes from Our* Favourite Shows

Our, meaning Rackers…

Friends

Season 1, episode 9. The One where the Underdog Gets Away

Season 1, episode 10. The One with The Monkey

Season 2, episode 8. The One with the List

Season 2, episode 9. The One with Phoebe’s Dad

Season 3, episode 9. The One with the Football

Season 3, episode 10. The One where Rachel Quits

Season 4, episode 8. The One with Chandler in a Box

Season 4, episode 10. The One with the Girl From Poughkeepsie

Season 5, episode 8. The One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks

Season 5, episode 10. The One with the Inappropriate Sister

Season 6, episode 9. The One Where Ross Got High

Season 6, episode 10. The One with the Routine

Season 7, episode 8. The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs

Season 7, episode 9. The One with All the Candy

Season 7, episode 10. The One with The Holiday Armadillo

Season 8, episode 9. The One with the Rumour

Season 8, episode 11. The One with the Creepy Holiday Card

Season 9, episode 8. The One with Rachel’s Other Sister

Season 9, episode 10. The One with Christmas in Tulsa

Season 10, episode 8. The One with the Late Thanksgiving

 

Gilmore Girls

Season 1, episode 10. Forgiveness and Stuff

Season 2, episode 10. The Bracebridge Dinner

Season 3, episode 10. That’ll Do, Pig

Season 4, episode 11. In the Clamor and the Clangor

Season 5, episode 11. Women of Questionable Morals

Season 6, episode 12. Just Like Gwen and Gavin

Season 7, episode 11. Santa’s Secret Stuff

A Year in The Life: Winter

 

Will & Grace

Season 2, episode 7. Homo for the Holidays

Season 3, episode 8 & 9. Lows in the Mid-Eighties

Season 4, episodes 9 & 10. Moveable Feast

Season 4, episode 12. Jingle Balls

Season 5, episode 11. All About Christmas Eve

Season 6, episode 10. Fanilow

Season 7, episode 10 & 11. Queens for A Day

Season 7, episode 12. Christmas Break

Season 8, episode 9. A Little Christmas Queer

 

New Girl

Season 1, episode 6. Thanksgiving

Season 1, episode 9. The 23rd

Season 2, episode 8. Parents

Season 2, episode 11. Santa

Season 3, episode 10. Thanksgiving III

Season 4, episode 9. Thanksgiving IV

Season 4, episode 11. LAXmas

Season 6, episode 7. Last Thanksgiving

Season 6, episode 10. Christmas Eve Eve

 

Merry Most Wonderful Time of the Year Everyone!
Remember to be kind, this time of year is difficult for many.
& don’t forget to support small this Christmas!

Still Me is the third book in Jojo Moyes Me Before You trilogy. If you haven’t read the books, you likely know the story from the incredible (acting, and to look at, let’s be real) casting of the movie adaptation for Me Before You. From a mixture of Game of Thrones, Hunger Games and Harry Potter — with Emilia Clarke at the helm as Louisa Clark, we watch as she falls in love with her client Will Traynor, played by Sam Claflin. (And then some cheeky appearances by Neville Longbottom, aka. Matthew Lewis as Louisa’s boyfriend).

Still Me follows Louisa Clark through moving across the seas to, nothing but, New York City (because how else are you supposed to find yourself unless it’s on the other side of the world, in a big city? Duh). She leaves her wonderful, beautiful paramedic boyfriend back in London, so naturally that throws a few curveballs into the mix; especially when she meets a Wall Street social climber who looks awfully like someone from her past. Moyes has an incredible way of painting New York through Louisa’s eyes, the socialite parties with her employer, the extravagance of living on Fifth Avenue, as though you almost feel like you’re there… I could picture the exact buildings she was talking about, and imagine myself running (struggling) through Central Park alongside Lou.

I devoured this in almost on entire sitting. In less than 24 hours, I went along the ride with Louisa Clark for (I assume) the last time, and one of much self-discovery. I think it’s underestimated how much one can lose themselves in the midst of grief, and just how important it is to be able to get back to yourself – let alone to define what yourself really is. For me, it was one of those books that you go to put down so you can go about your daily routine, but you pick it back up immediately, thinking just another chapter…

In reviews, you can see that people often come back to the idea that Moyes shouldn’t have written another book. That her protagonist, Lou, didn’t need her story to be continued after the heartbreak of the first story. But who are we to say where a character’s story should end? And if an author thinks there is more to tell, then there is… It’s their world, after all. As with the character of Lou, life continues on after the shittiest times of our lives, and perhaps Moyes wanted to gift her readers’ the happy ending; which is entirely her prerogative.

If you decide to go into it, go into it lightly. It is not as heart wrenching as it’s predecessor, and arguably that is one of the best things about it. This was a light, easy read and painted a picture for those who decide to live boldly and *find* themselves in the process. While the narrative jumped, it was occasionally corny, and it definitely pulled in some very well-used tropes; I still highly recommend it.

Last week, I graduated from University; thus closing a long chapter in le ~ book of life ~. It took me five and a half years, a small sabbatical, a switch in degrees, and many last minute assignments to get that beautiful piece of paper. I walked out with a Bachelor of Writing, majoring in Creative Writing, and in Literary Studies. So, basically, I walked out of there with a piece of paper that says I can write and read.

Finishing my degree has been more to me than just being able to get a job in… Writing. Is that even a thing outside journalism/before getting ‘properly published’? Ah, the ever elusive Arts degrees. It’s been about a commitment to what I want out of my life and in a career. People ask what difference it makes now; I already have established myself in business, as an artist, and in a writer in my own right. What are you even going to use it for? Well… Writing, duh.

Studying writing changed the way I saw it; the art form, but also the thought that goes into which word you use, the structure of your sentence, and where exactly to emphasise.

Welcome to the real world… except, wait a minute? I have been living in it. Because living as a student is just as valid as your job taking up most of your week.

I have seen things take the rounds on the socials in saying that tertiary education isn’t necessary to get where you need to be, and is a whole lot of unnecessary debt. Isn’t that just a whole lot of subjective bullshit? Does that not depend entirely on where someone wants to be? And… hang on… is it not my debt? You’re not paying it off, darls.

There was something I read just the other day, that said you should build a business rather than get a degree. Sure, if you have a business idea and no desire for more education? Go for it. If you are going to Uni in hopes of figuring it out along the way, perhaps taking time away from study is the path for you. But you wipe out the myriad of careers that require the study. From communications all the way to doctors. And the Arts degrees are as valid, it all coming down to where the individual wants to end up. Also… saying this denies that we are all cogs in a machine, and honestly, you have to face that fact while we live in a capitalist society. That there will be people who have to be employees, rather than employers. And that there are people who want that.

I am speaking to you from both ends of the bat: starting my business was the best decision I made for myself, in terms of what brings me finance and freedom to do what I love. But going to University refined skills I need to succeed in the field I desire. Why can’t I have both?

A simple message to end on: stop trying to dictate how you think others should live their lives because you are insecure about your own decisions. Literally, just… live and let live.

Soiya Uni *cheers*

The more you think about it, the more you spiral; the more you tell yourself to stop thinking about it, the more you think about it.

The human condition is weird. We all have something wrong, whether it is classed as a mental issue or not; no one is perfect and no one is normal (so stop thinking you are, you big loser). We have a tendency to forget that everyone around us are also fighting battles; perhaps you are at a peak in life where everything is running smooth, or perhaps it only looks like that on the outside as you battle invisible things.

Some of you may simply be coasting through; nothing too bitter of substance is plaguing your mind, you are just here. Going through the motions until the next big thing happens.

In moments of absolution; where we feel as if nothing could be better or nothing could possibly get worse, we seemingly forget the literal billions of other souls going through their own. That because you just had the Really Bad Thing happen to you, your life is infinitely worse than that of your friends, or of the person sitting next to you on the train. Conveniently forgetting that, yes, perhaps in this moment, your life could not get harder; but in doing so, you provide your ego a feeling of Otherness. A feeling that you are different from every single person on earth. That you are alone.

It feels like we’re all talking about it but no one’s listening. We’re all masking our pain, our thoughts and ourselves to placate everyone else. It gets to certain times of the year and we ask a little more because it’s talked about more, because it’s advertised, because we have to be told to care. We share a post, we tell people we’re there, and yet… it’s falling on deaf ears. Because even if you show or tell someone you’re there, they’ll only believe it if they want to.

Actions speak louder than words, yet we forget that we are all trying to wade through each day while stuck in our own little world. That sometimes perhaps you need to allow space for people to realise what they have in you. No one in this world understands themselves 100%, and yet we put heavy expectations on those around us to understand every need we have. When we’re in our darkest moments, our brains forgets the feeling of happiness (it’s Science), and you may not know how you will react to the emotions coursing through your body. Whether it’s a gut-wrenching cry, or yelling at someone you love, or simply shutting everyone out. We know this about ourselves, and yet; we don’t afford the benefit of the doubt to those around us. We won’t speak up and yet we expect our loved ones to come to us when they are in the midst of a breakdown.

Why are we making it harder for each other to speak up? We unintentionally shut people out because we feel misunderstood, or we’re afraid to lay ourselves bare. We are creatures of habit, and of comfort. Recoiling at the idea of something new, even if that newness is friendship, contentedness, or love in its many forms. Sometimes it’s easier to stand alone, with no one to lean on and no one leaning on you, because it’s safer. Less variables. Less likelihood of hurt, shame, heartbreak. But that makes the human condition even harder. Throw away your expectations, and be there. For your people, and for yourself. But don’t only talk; listen.

How to look good naked, a step by step guide by Rackers:

• Take your clothes off.

1. A good sense of humour is not based upon bagging other people out. That’s actually a sign of shit humour and shit personality.

2. It’s not cool to be an ambassador for a fast fashion chain/cheap shit clothing.

3. “I’s” is not a thing! “It’s my friend and I’s thing,” DOES NOT WORK. It is “it’s mine and my friends thing.”

4. Don’t be a coffee snob.

5. Watch the latest season of Queer Eye. You won’t regret it. I love them.

On this note, there seems to be a lot of articles floating around at the moment about how Bobby is the ‘unsung hero’ and essentially painting him as the only important one.
I love Bobby. But I also love ALL OF THEM. Because they wouldn’t be the Fab Five without ALL FIVE. You can have a personal favourite, sure. And sometimes it seems that Bobby gets forgotten because he doesn’t do the emotional side of things as much. But what I’ve been reading is that his work is more worthwhile because the others just ‘talk about emotions and shit’. The people they have on the show need to talk about emotions. That is why they are on the show.

Every single one of those men are important in each aspect. They excel in their own part as these people need help in each aspect.

6. If you’ve just started dating someone and you’re moving so fast, you’ve essentially planned your wedding after a week; pull the reigns in, buddy. Slow it the fuck down.

7. Don’t say “I wouldn’t/don’t normally do this” – it almost always means you have. People don’t care about whether you don’t. It’s about the fact that you are in that moment. OWN that and be confident in the decision you are making – whether that’s just asking someone out or going home with them straight up.

8. Self-care is not something you should just have on your to-do list; to maybe get to when you have more time. Looking after yourself is a priority and vital to your mental and physical health.

9. It’s not cool to not be “like other girls” – run hard and fast if a guy tells you he likes you for this reason, and dudes if you are using that reason; take a long, hard look at yourself. And punch yourself in the face. Picking at ‘typical girls’ is WEAKNESS, bro, and it’s only because you’re afraid of their strength & emotions. (Plus chickas if you’ve got a man like this then he ain’t shit, he’ll happily box all girls together but get butthurt if you argue his ‘not all men’ stance).

10. Artist’s time!!! And work!!! Is just as important!!! As any other field!!! THEY DESERVE TO BE PAID FOR THEIR TIME, regardless of whether you decide to use the work or not.

My dearest coupled-up friends,

I am here to simply ask you to stop trying to give advice to your single pals. I know you are trying your best to help a friend in need, but majority of the time, all they need is a soundboard and a shoulder to lean on; I hate to break it to you, but singletons do not generally seek advice from their relationship clad friends. Particularly UNSOLICITED “advice” that is merely you projecting. You would roll your eyes at me trying to give you relationship advice because, what would I know? But… why can’t I say the exact same thing right back to you?

There are typically two types of people in this world. Relationship prone, and single prone. I think it’s pretty clear which pile I land in, and I am completely and utterly content with that. It’s how I’ve learnt to navigate adulthood and most of my learning about love and life is done in partial-lovers arms.

What I find with those who are the most willing to throw their two cents in, is that they are the ones who have been in a relationship for the majority of their adult life. They actually don’t even know what it’s like to date. Dating is not just meeting someone and being in a relationship with them a few weeks later; it’s testing the waters, going for drinks with a few different people in a short amount of time, trying it out and being able to say ‘hey, this one’s actually not for me.’

There is no right and wrong way of doing life. There is no right and wrong way of doing relationships (as long as the way you are doing them are consented by both parties in the relationship).

It’s almost like people think that because their love story went one way, it is supposed to go that way for everyone else. You feel like you fell in love on your first date? Amazing, sometimes it takes people five dates before they really can see themselves with this person. You met your partner at 18? Good on you, some don’t meet theirs til their late 30s. You have grown as a person because of the person on your arm? That’s wonderful, others grow better when focusing entirely on themselves.

You telling me the reason behind why something didn’t work out or the red flags from your subjective opinion, or why I should continue even though I don’t want to, is not helpful in the slightest nor warranted in any way.

Anyway, take this with a grain of salt or don’t take it at all.

Just perhaps put a little bit of subjection into your next suggestion, and realise that no other situation is ever going to be like yours.

Regards,

Tired of your “advice” x

Just because you have lived on this earth for a certain amount of years more than another, really truly does not mean you know more, or you understand the situations one is going through.

Say you’re 50. You’ve been married once or something, I dunno, and your parents are still alive and you have had a relatively smooth life. Perhaps you have dealt with some really harrowing things, hey, I don’t know.

But just because you have 25 years on me, does not mean you can be like ‘ohhhh I know exactly what you’re going through.’

No. You don’t. Fuck off.

This isn’t to say that you haven’t had more experience; obviously, duh, you have 25 years on me. But each and every single fucking human on this planet has completely different experiences, completely different reactions to said experiences, and completely different in-built issues.

Wisdom is knowledge through experience. Not age.
Louder for the people in the back?
Wisdom is knowledge through experience. Not age.

I won’t take away from the fact that having a few more years life experience (especially if you’ve fit a lot into those few years), you may be able to shine some light on a situation better, or you can remember when you dealt with similar things at a similar age.

Yes, experience = wisdom, and typically age = experience, so naturally one would think age = wisdom. But this is not necessarily it. Just because someone experienced something, doesn’t mean they learnt from it. And just because you’ve lived a certain number of years more, doesn’t mean you have experienced what someone many years younger than you has. If you have lived a life where the majority of it has been the same; whether you had relationships with the same types of humans, whether you were in a similar career field most of your life, whether not much of your life has changed in many of those years (and there’s nothing wrong with this), then all of those years has not automatically given you wisdom. It’s just given you age.

As stated in this article in the Huffington Post, Ursula M. Staudinger has spent decades thinking about, and studying wisdom. Wisdom, as she told The New York Times, consists of “self-insight; the ability to demonstrate personal growth; self-awareness in terms of your historical era and your family history; understanding that priorities and values, including your own, are not absolute; and an awareness of life’s ambiguities.”

Understanding that priorities and values, including you own, are not absolute. One thing I have noticed with my older counterparts is that they paint their experiences as absolute. Because they have experienced something one way, that is the way it is; that is life. End of. When in actual fact, there are millions of other ways life can be lived and experienced: just look at literally anyone else in the world.

If you are a white person, you cannot speak of the experiences of people of colour. If you are a heterosexual person, you cannot speak for anyone in the LGBTQI community. If you have always lived in a first world country, you cannot speak for the lives of those in poverty.

Yeah, okay. So you were 25 once and trying to navigate life in the dating scene while trying to establish yourself in a career and deal with ever-changing friendships and the like. This does not mean you know what I’m going through or know exactly what it’s like or completely get it. 

The simple fact is really just that you don’t. And if you are an older counterpart, check your language and your accidental condescension to the younger lot. You don’t simply know more because you’ve lived longer.

 

 

You know when you know yourself, but you don’t, you know… know-know yourself?

No, you probably don’t, because it takes an awful lot of introspection to face the shittier/non-accepting parts of yourself; or even worse, actually face the idea that you can change them.

It’s only recently that I have come to realise that my bar for self-esteem when I was a teenager to my early twenties was relatively low. I kind of knew it, but I didn’t really know-know it. You know? I had friendships that I didn’t deem myself worthy of. Also attention from dudes I didn’t think I was good enough for. Actions leading to consequences because I didn’t think further than myself or the attention I was getting, and I was doing some serious limbo shit with that low bar of mine. I thought I was funny, but I was skeptical when other people told me they thought I was funny. I clung onto the insults more than the compliments. I thought it was my fault when people treated me like shit and just heaped that onto my back with my already overflowing baggage.

I hid it well, though. I really made people believe that I had an abundance of self-worth/esteem/confidence.

It’s like when you know you shouldn’t be answering that midnight call, but you do it anyway. You have a voice inside your head saying you’re a fucking idiot, but then you’re also like… what? Suddenly I am deaf, I cannot hear this voice of reason inside myself.

And people please, an outside voice just simply cannot be the voice of reason. You can preach to someone all you want that they are better than the way they have been acting, or they are worth more, or they should aim for more. But it’s going to continue to fall on deaf ears, because to know-know yourself, you need to face yourself. Stare in that dirty ass mirror and reeeeeally look deep into those eyes of yours. Sink deep into that introspection.

Because often what I have struggled with is people trying to be my voice of reason, but I have x-ray vision and could see they weren’t actually dealing with their own shit. They were trying to tell me how to live my life while I could see that they had their own problems they weren’t facing. It’s always easier to focus on other people’s issues than your own. It’s always easier to tell someone they need help and ignore the fact that you do, too.

I preach therapy as the penultimate for dealing with anything to those closest to me, often to the shake of a head or a laugh because it’s my go-to advice; but I watch these people around me who know themselves, but they still don’t know themselves. And what’s so wrong with seeing a professional to help you really get there? To peak Maslow’s hierarchy? To really get to that juicy, sweet self-actualisation stage.

It takes time to realise that the people who treated you like shit were at fault. It was not yours. Place that baggage gently down. Step on it a little if it makes you feel better. And walk the fuck away from it.

It takes time to realise that you were worthy of the attention and the friendships and that you really are just that bloody funny.

It takes time to realise that you need to focus on your own bullshit before you can help anyone else shovel theirs.

You got to get to the gritty. To the bottom of the cup. Scrape those barrels, man. You know that shitty last shot of coffee? You gotta swig it. Choke it down. You can’t ignore that bit. Because otherwise it will stain the mug that is you, permanently making your tea/coffee/vodka that little bit sour. And in life, you cannot simply buy a new mug. You just gotta keep fixing the one you got.

Sure, you know yourself. But do you know-know yourself?