“You have depression.”

1 in 3 Australians battle with mental health. I’ve been on the bandwagon of preaching self-help, self-love and talking about your problems since day dot, but to be perfectly honest with you, I thought that was where the line would be drawn.

I did not think I would actually ever hear those words.

“You have depression.”

It makes sense. I had come to accept my over-emotional nature, my attuned sense to the things that hurt me to my core, the tears that would leak out of my eye for no apparent reason.

I told myself it was, “just Racquel.”

“That’s just the way she is.”

Have you ever been in a place so deep and dark inside yourself that you’ve convinced yourself you’ve never been there before and you’re never going to get out of it?

I found myself in one and I was so confused. This time, I didn’t know who to put the blame on. I’d been hurt, sure. People who were supposed to be there for me were starting to prove their selfish thoughts. People I’d come to rely on had pulled the rug from under my feet and, what felt like, ran away. Loved ones were getting on my nerves and clashing more than should have been.

But it wasn’t enough to justify the hole of self destruction I’d buried myself in.

I’m lost. My heart feels broken but no one’s touched it. And sometimes I just simply don’t want to be here anymore.

Life is a fickle thing. Moments are fleeting. Moods are fleeting. Happiness, sadness, anger and jealousy. People are there for you one day and no where to be found the next. The only constant you have in life is yourself and the only way to get better is by patching up your own heart (with the help of others, of course).

I know I’ll come out on top of this because I always do. Sometimes I convince myself I have a weak, sorry soul until I look in the mirror. I see resilience. Strength. And a whole lot of love I have sitting in my heart, ready to give to someone else.

Bout time I gave it to myself.

Lifeline 131114

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: